The content has changed
January 24th, 2006 @ 20:07 by NormMonkey
From the you-guessed-it-long-time-no-updatum department:
THE LIGHTS OPEN ONTO A QUIET TABLE WHERE TWO NORMMONKEYS SIT,
DISCUSSING THE INS AND OUTS OF LIFE
NM: “Holy cow, NormMonkey, it’s been a …”
NM: “Shut UP! I *know* it’s been a long time since I
updated my blog! For the sake of little green apples in
a rotted bag in the dumpster behind the grocer’s fetid
compost heap! Just L E A V E M E A L O N E!
NM: “Hey, how did you manage to speak all those spaces?”
NM: “Shut up!”
NM: “And you forgot your closing quote, too…”
A DARK, BARELY DISCERNABLE FIGURE UTTERS INAUDIBLE WORDS FROM
WHAT SEEMS TO BE A NETHER REGION UNDER THE TABLE
AZROLB: “Hey, what about me?”
BOTH NMs: “Shut up!”
NM: “Hey, did you hear something just now?”
NM: “Zero.”
NM: “Then what did you just yell ’shut up’ for?”
NM: “What did *you* just yell for?”
NM: “How did you manage to speak those asterisks?”
ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE: NM, WEARING A DARK SUIT, SITS BEHIND
A LARGE BUT PLAIN DESK. ON THE CENTER OF THE DESK SITS A
OLD-TIMEY MICROPHONE. IN THE BACKGROUND, A NAKED NM PLAYS
AN ORGAN (no, no, you sick minded monkey, like, an organ
with a manual keyboard… you know, music?)
NM: “And now for something completely different.”
So, when I got home from work yesterday, I rounded up the recycling, put out the trash, and went to school. In gym, I talked to a cute girl for couple of minutes, but she was eating so I left her alone to go stand in a line.
Waitaminit. Has my life just been crossed with a young teenager’s?
Oh, no, wait. I got it. It was election day! So, after I cast my vote I went home to gather food and tune in the hockey game. Flipped between the game and the funnay over on CBC — you know, Air Farce, Mercer Report, 22 Minutes (sorta funny…semi-demi-hemi-funny). The game was great! Unlike Saturday’s 7-0 win, this game had loads of action and excitement, with Toronto being denied a comeback by the horn in the final period. I like it when TO pulls the goalie to try and get the tie point in the last minute… and fails d:)
Other interesting stuff:
* Coliacovo (sp?) tried to check Varada into the boards but missed and severely injured himself, receiving about 10 minutes of on-ice attention before being taken off on a stretcher (concussion);
* Hasek’s totally amazing kick-ass triple-save. Blocked a shot, then flails across the ice to block the rebound, and finally uses his magic sixth puck-radar sense to glovesnag a final rebound right outta the air;
* Spezza (I think it was Spezza, not sure) got a delay-of-game penalty for flipping the puck over the glass, but then Murray successfully argued the ref out of it (!!) and Spezza was pulled out of the box and back on the ice (Murray was right, but I’ve never seen a ref. get argued out of a decision). I’d say Quinn was not a happy camper but that’s nothing new;
* Chris Neil put ‘em up against Tai Domi and had him on the ground before the refs broke it up. Our bruiser beats their bruiser *grin*
… and then after the game I spent a couple of hours watching our country elect its next government. Now it’s Tuesday and the country’s gone Conservative. I was talking to my sister who wasn’t too keen on the Tories — she says it’s a little too much like Bush. I guess I can’t blame her, living down there in Merka, but I think that even if it’s a Conservative government, we’re still Canadian. I think (I hope!!!) we’re still a fair cry away from *that* (shudder). At least it’s a minority government. I suspect that this maybe even gives the Tories a chance to stay in power for awhile. Had it been a majority they certainly woulda done something stupid sooner or later and gotten booted for it.
Not that this isn’t a big possibility…
Anyways, no more politics spouting from me. I came up with an idea for a diet. This is totally new, nobody’s ever heard of it before. It works for everybody. You can eat as much as you want. You can be lazy if you want. The idea is, you can eat all you want, as long as you exercise proportionally.
So, if you’re going to spend the day reading or watching TV, then that’s fine, but you gotta eat carrot sticks and drink tea. What if you’re hungry? Well, you can have your normal-sized meal, but you gotta work for it. Shovel the driveway. Go for a bike ride. Take a walk in the rain or the snow. You looking forward to a really nice meal that the company’s gonna pay for? No problem. Just pay for it with lots of exercise before and after. The only rule is you have to pay for your food in exercise, and you can’t run up a tab. You can pay after the meal, or before the meal. You can’t pay more than one meal in advance; it doesn’t count. By the same token, you can’t lag behind payment by more than a meal. If you do, you just fell off the bandwagon.
Don’t fall off the bandwagon. That’s where all diets end. It’s the Broken Window theory.
Anyways, that’s enough outta me for now. I know it was a long time since I last came and spewed thoughts atcha, but STAY TUNED!!! In tomorrow’s edition, we’ll discuss the Ghetto Mixer.
Also, coming soon, some sort of short story, like my weird-ass coffee story from long ago or the more recent Fun in the Rain story. Did I tell ya I wrote a …er, uh, more different (nudge-nudge-wink-wink-know-what-I-mean) version of this story? There’s no way it’s going up here — we try and keep things clean for the chillun heah — but if you ask nicely, and you’re horny, you can read it.
Anyways, if I don’t write for awhile, this creativity starts to build up inside me. Creativity is very nebulous. We can create instantiations from it in an infinite number of ways. I guess it’s like a fire. A kind of big donut-shaped bonfire where you’re inside the donut.
I was going somewhere with that, but I totally lost the path.
NM AND AZROB TOGETHER: “No kiddin’!” FADE TO BLACK
