Cowboy J gits crackin’
February 27th, 2006 @ 21:57 by NormMonkey
From the something-something department:
Back to the old job today.
AZROLB: Hunh?
OTH: That’s right, I was back at the ol’ monkey farm today. Yessir, AZROLB, the old digs fer sure.
AZROLB: What ‘n’ carnation ‘re you doin’ thar?
Well, it’s like this. I done got this new job, see, an’ I kinda had tuh, y’know, leave the ol’ monkey farm tuh git workin’ at’n new ‘un. So I says teh muh bawss-man, “Hey naw, y’all, I gots me sem new office digs, y’know?” An’ he says,
BAWSS-MAN: Well, damn, y’all! W’ain’t expictin’ thet!
OTH: Well, I dun tol’ ya deh truth. Tew weeks fem nah I be gawna ain’t be here no mo’, ya hear?
BAWSS-MAN: Well shee-it. How we s’pos ta git some new varmint teh do yer jawb now’s yer done up gawn ‘n’ quit awn us, m’kay?
OTH: I say, look heer, bawss-man. I gots ta be lookin’ out fer nummer wun here, y’see? I done hayts teh put y’all in a fix, m’kay, but theht’s the way the hawss trips over d’armadiller.
BAWSS-MAN: Y’mean lahk the cookie crummles?
OTH: Naw yer singin’ titha tune!
BAWSS-MAN: Now look heah, y’hear? We done gawna be up them thar crik wizzout ‘m paddle, m’kay? W’ain’t got n’un t’spare fer teh take awn teh shovelin’ yer pile uh meadow muffins once’n yer dun split’n outta heah! Ye gawts ta be helpin’ us out some, jessa li’l bit heah, now, y’heah?
Well, I done reckon I gotta take pity on ‘em, y’see. Now I don’t cotton tuh playin’ two fiddles at the fair if’n yeh know what I mean. Tryin’ tuh sing two tunes at’n t’same time ain’t never done a cowboy right, y’see? Y’cain’t be out wrasslin’ them dawgies same time’z yer balin’ t’hay, if’n gits mah drift.
But lookin’ on t’other side’r them thar fence, I done spent a big ol’ time ‘n’ effert inteh runnin’ t’ol’ grin’stone, an’ a true cowboy dun never turns’s back on a broth’rin’ need. So’s teh cut a short story fer it gets reel bad, m’kay, I done ‘greed tuh give ‘m couple’a days’ve lendin’ a han’ down’tuh farm tuh straighten’ out teh hay in muh pasture ‘fore I up ‘n take off.
Right.
So what I’m saying here is I talked to muh new bawss ‘n’ tol’ him ’bout the predicament my ol’ buddies was in ‘n’ we agreed I could spen’ a few days teh git things straight. Y’see, I was kind’ve a one-man show over there, t’ain’t nobody else at t’farm doin’ the same thing I’m doin’, so I gotta lotta stuff up ‘n’ my head.
So I ‘greed tuh spen’ some time ‘n’ terms ‘a settin’ up fer bringin’ in a new cowboy teh rassle things up ’s far’s handlin’ muh ol’ turf. I done given’ ‘em fer ‘couple’uh days this week’n'teh nex’, too.
Meantime I’m settin’ up tuh learnin’ the ropes over’t teh new digs if’n yeh know whut I mean, m’kay?
So don’t nobody ever say thet Cowboy J don’t step right up to the plate and give’r hundred’n'ten p’cint, now, y’heah!
