From the junk-mail department:
It’s been a good winter.
In the winter, the child slave labour that the junk-mail mafia use to make the deliveries are too lazy to go out in the cold.
In the summer, it’s a whole different ballgame. You turn your back for one second, ONE SECOND, and the next thing you know your mailbox is bulging more than your cousin from Tenessee after she met her uncle’s brother’s son.
But this summer, things will be different. This summer, I’m gonna get me a lawn chair. I’m gonna put on my sunglasses and sit on my front porch in my lawn chair with my Louisville slugger and a six-pack o’ brew.
We’ll see how much junk mail those little turds can deliver THEN.
I sit on my porch with a shotgun and some beers. I keep the shotgun loaded, and the beers keep me loaded. I’m a junk mail vigilante!
Some kid put a flyer in my mailbox, it was selling dairy products. I got out my shotgun and now the kid looks like swiss cheese.
Some kid delivered a flyer for a hardware store. I took the flyer and used a coupon to buy a chainsaw. Now the kid’s friends call him ‘shorty’.
One of the little bastards dropped off a copy of the local newspaper. I took my Louisville slugger and put some spikes in the end. Now he’s on the front page.
The preceding post is intended as humourous. All characters, including that of the first person, are fictional only. No resemblance is intended with any real-life person, the author included.