Gnurple dot Net

PART I: THE POEMS

Many moons have come and been,
Yet on this page we haven’t seen /
New pictures, thoughts and silly stuff /
Nor words and meanderings, enough.

Oh, listen, the sound of my career as a poet going down the drain.
In a forest.
Right beside the tree that didn’t make a sound when it fell.

But wait, there’s MORE!

If you’re sure that your computer will lose /
Its data when its microchips are loose,
If their connections are bad and they’re coming out,
Then there is definitely an independent solution /
other than believing it’s too late.

I propose that anybody who misuses any of the underlined words in their writings on teh intertubes shall be required to write this little poem on the blackboard Bart-style while listening to the same ten opening notes from the theme to the Simpsons over and over again ’til they get disoriented. There will be no, repeat NO class visits to Castle Anthrax. I will personally lock the castle gates from the inside.

PART II: FOR THE DIARY

Last Thursday I was supposed to help good friends P&M by keeping an eye on their little ones while they went to watch The Sens trounce TML. I show up, but lo and behold! P feels a little unwell (not crazy, just a little unwell, not how he used to be) and so *I* got to take M to the game. From babysitting to babesitting, woo! ‘Twas a great game, aside from the worst 5 on 3 ever. The Sens gave everybody a slice of pizza, and I also scored a free beer and some Timbits from our seat neighbours.

Then there was the Hallowe’en party on Saturday which was fun, even though most of the people there weren’t people I know. I chatted a bit, took a few photos, and ate too many Rockets. Damn you, Hallowe’en!

How aware John is of where the camera is pointing is directly proportional to the amount of wine in his glass

Yesterday evening was avoid kids at my doorbell trick-or-treat night. I decided to tag along with P&M’s kids, taking pictures and lurking forward to more evil, evil Rockets. Afterwards we watched the game for a bit, chatted for a bit, and that was it.

Hordes of Young Hallowe’eners

… and finally, this evening I stopped by the grocery store where the hot girl at the checkout was nice to me. I’d picked up 2 packs of batteries, 4 AA and 4 AAA. The AAA ended up being more expensive (even though they’re smaller) so she and I looked at each other, went back and forth with ‘WTF-is-that-all-about’ comments and in the end she yoinked the expensive one from the bill and just ran the cheaper one through twice. Then we chatted about how Hallowe’en was until some customer interrupted (the nerve). Ah, if only she were a decade older. She’s probably nice like that to everybody, but I’d rather believe I charmed her socks off with my magic mojo.

PART III: IRC SILLINESS

And now for something completely different! An IRC excerpt from work, where yours truly may have indulged in a few too many post-Hallowe’en sugar-laden snacks:

Nov 01 16:16:51 <norm> Wow. I think Bazooka Joe bubble gum is timed to last *exactly* five minutes
Nov 01 16:16:59 <norm> Kind of like fries at McD’s.
Nov 01 16:18:14 <norm> Bubble gum should come with a TD-50 factor printed on the side
Nov 01 16:18:59 <norm> Where TD-50 is the amount of time that half the tastiness will have deteriorated for the mean chewer
Nov 01 16:19:39 <norm> s/mean/average/ A mean chewer would probably wear the gum down more quickly than an average chewer, and lots more quickly than, say, a gentle chewer
Nov 01 16:19:40 <norm> d:)
Nov 01 16:20:03 <orker1> “Gum chewing is a disgusting habit, fit for only cows… and Americans” - my Mother
Nov 01 16:20:21 <norm> I can just imagine a cow chewing gum…
Nov 01 16:20:44 <norm> Betsy Bubble brand
Nov 01 16:20:56 <norm> The Udder flavour
Nov 01 16:21:10 <orker2> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spittoon - “America is one long expectoration.” — Oscar Wilde on his first visit to the United States, 1882
Nov 01 16:21:36 <norm> orker2: does that mean American citizens are expectorants?
Nov 01 16:22:19 <norm> Do you suppose they’re looking forward to the expectoral election? Vote for which politician you’ll be spitting on!
Nov 01 16:22:28 <norm> Expectoratorial?
Nov 01 16:22:47 <orker2> So is a pregnant American living in Canada an expectant expatriot expectorant?
Nov 01 16:23:49 <norm> orker2: If you have two spitoons, is that a bicuspidorial arrangement?
Nov 01 16:24:27 <norm> I can just see some Italian mobster: “You expectorate on me, you expectorate on my whole family!”
Nov 01 16:25:14 <norm> I suppose if you’re talking to one of those moistly verbose people, you’re getting expectorained upon?
Nov 01 16:35:53 <norm> orker2: that may have been one of Oscar Wilde’s more famous quotes, but I prefer: “Your majesty is like a stream of bat’s piss. You shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark”

Finally, I leave you with this lame comic from some of the too much candy I ate today. Really this was more an exercise in trying to take and make a coherent picture of this double-sided multi-colored see-through crumpled up wrapper:

All the funnay must have leached out

One day somebody will explain to me why bubble gum gets wrapped in comics like this. I would like to have dinner with the artist who gets to write the material. In the meantime at least I can relate to Mort and his predicament, if not his fetish for turtleneck strangulation.

Remember boys and girls: “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face!”

UPDATE: Mort strikes again! This one turned out a little better, don’t you think? Mort is like Jughead, except Archie comics have entertainment value.

Like Jughead but without funnay

Remember boys and girls: “A flight of fancy has no in-flight movie but it doesn’t cost anything, either!”

Every time I read one of those fortunes, I feel kind of like I’m left holding an empty plastic bag. Screw meeting the comic writer, I so want to meet the person who writes these fortunes! Anybody who gets to hit the hooka on the job as much as this… on the other hand, maybe this is just a case of not paying for enough monkeys and keyboards.

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