The one before Christmas
December 7th, 2006 @ 20:34 by NormMonkey
Here’s a brief, brief summary of everything that’s happened since I last confessedblogged in no particular order:
* Some home construction fun (not *MY* home, mind you);
* A few evenings of fun with friends;
* A couple of increments on the $num_Settlers_of_Cataan_games_lost counter;
* An evil stomach bug;
* A watching of every single episode of Friends (all 10 seasons!), a lot of which coincided with above stomach bug (hooray for DVDs when being sick or otherwise required to be stuck in an otherwise non-entertaining place for a long time - yes, I apparently have all the attention span of a 5 year old);
* A couple of cool dates with a cool gal (yay!);
* Procrastination from shopping for Christmas gifts for family and friends;
* A fair amount of model heli flying practise - I’m running out of room to practise the kind of manoeuvering I need to do to keep improving. In the words of the Taco Bell chihuaua, “I think I need a bigger box.”
Also I have some photos that I took when I was down at the War Memorial for the Remembrance Day ceremony - including some fuzzy shots of the Gov. General and PM as they reviewed the parades - but those are still sitting on my camera. Note to self: the convenience of not having to wait for film developing with digital cameras is only convenient if you’re not a lazy bastard.
Since Christmas and the New Year are almost here and for some reason they keep on coming closer, day after day, I will probably have to get stuff done in the next little while. The ol’ blog may or may not be infrequently updated. In the meantime I have lots and lots of silly stuff for you!
ANOTHER SILLY IM CONVERSATION
This conversation happened about a month ago (and I’m just getting around to posting it now, how’s *that* for procrastination?!). We were just being randomly silly as people are wont to do in the wee hours of the night before bedtime. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Beware the leopard.
(22:26:47) AnonymousFriend: hey hi!
(22:26:49) AnonymousFriend: how r u?
(22:27:04) NormMonkey: Pretty good.
(22:27:12) NormMonkey: I got nothing productive done this weekend. YAY!
(22:27:16) NormMonkey: Oh, wait. I mean, boo!
(22:27:24) AnonymousFriend: nice!
(22:27:31) AnonymousFriend: same here!
(22:27:41) AnonymousFriend: I went to Quebec city to see some friends
(22:27:46) NormMonkey: Cool
(22:27:48) AnonymousFriend: I just came back from there
(22:28:09) NormMonkey: Had fun?
(22:28:20) NormMonkey: Oodles and oodles of fun?
(22:28:25) AnonymousFriend: oh, of course
(22:29:02) NormMonkey: One day I will capture one of these elusive oodles and keep it in a glass jar
(22:29:03) AnonymousFriend: there was the 15th anniversary of my old music school there
(22:29:19) AnonymousFriend: I saw there alot of people I studiied with at the CEGEP
(22:29:26) NormMonkey: You went to music school?
(22:29:29) AnonymousFriend: (cegep = grade 11-13 in Quebec)
(22:29:31) AnonymousFriend: yes
(22:29:39) NormMonkey: Are you a musicologist?
(22:29:40) AnonymousFriend: I have a collegial diploma in music
(22:29:44) AnonymousFriend: oh god no!
(22:29:47) NormMonkey: You ARE a musicologist!
(22:30:00) AnonymousFriend: I hate music theory
(22:30:10) NormMonkey: I think you plan to learn EVERYTHING
(22:30:20) NormMonkey: You’re going for nothing short of World Genius, aren’t you?
(22:30:20) AnonymousFriend: I hate anything involving analysing music in depth
(22:30:21) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:30:28) AnonymousFriend: maybe
(22:30:33) AnonymousFriend: but so do you!
(22:30:43) NormMonkey: Pfft. I study nothing
(22:30:55) NormMonkey: I’m going for Jack Of All Trades
(22:31:10) NormMonkey: Which is a polite form of “knows just enough about anything to be dangerous”
(22:31:37) NormMonkey: I like learning but hate studying
(22:31:47) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:32:09) AnonymousFriend: well, I studiied classical signing back in cegep
(22:32:09) NormMonkey: I like learning from practical experience
(22:32:26) NormMonkey: Classical singing?
(22:33:06) AnonymousFriend: opera
(22:33:16) NormMonkey: Ah, opera
(22:33:41) NormMonkey: So you could say that the phantom of the opera is there, inside your mind.
(22:33:43) NormMonkey: heh
(22:33:47) AnonymousFriend: technically opera is like saying comedy or drama in music language
(22:34:15) AnonymousFriend: classical signing involves other types as well… especially that opera wasn’t really there before classical age
(22:34:21) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:35:03) AnonymousFriend: an opera is more like the big thing with the costumes and all the big fancy scene stuff
(22:35:48) NormMonkey: Classical singing as opposed to modern singing?
(22:35:59) NormMonkey: The History of Singing?
(22:36:10) AnonymousFriend: meh… not really
(22:36:22) AnonymousFriend: more like classical like classical music type
(22:36:32) AnonymousFriend: compared to pop or jazz signing let’s say
(22:36:42) NormMonkey: I wish I understood why my neighbour beeps his horn twice before he drives away
(22:36:52) NormMonkey: Or maybe he’s arriving. Either way…
(22:36:57) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:37:07) AnonymousFriend: locking-unlocking the car?
(22:37:19) AnonymousFriend: annoying indeed
(22:37:32) NormMonkey: I thought that might be it, but I hear the drive-by only a second or so after the beeps.
(22:37:35) AnonymousFriend: maybe it’s a secret code to open the bat cave?
(22:38:02) NormMonkey: I know of no-one who can unlock a car, get in, back out of the driveway and be moving on the road in under 2 seconds
(22:38:04) AnonymousFriend: maybe your neighbor is a secret agent or a superhero and you don’t know!
(22:38:10) NormMonkey: Oh, I’d know
(22:38:16) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:38:18) NormMonkey: I have secret superhero sensing powers
(22:38:25) AnonymousFriend: are you one too?
(22:38:27) NormMonkey: That’s why I haven’t been captured yet.
(22:38:38) AnonymousFriend: oooo
(22:38:48) AnonymousFriend: I’m impressed!
(22:38:58) AnonymousFriend: what other superpowers do you have?
(22:39:09) NormMonkey: I have +20 Pun hit points
(22:39:15) AnonymousFriend: ?
(22:39:18) AnonymousFriend: pun?
(22:39:32) NormMonkey: I have a +5 staff of sarcasm
(22:39:45) NormMonkey: and a +50 cauldron of creativity
(22:39:49) NormMonkey: That one is heavy
(22:39:50) AnonymousFriend: PUN = powerful units of numbness?
(22:40:04) NormMonkey: My puns have been known to cause numbness, yes
(22:40:22) NormMonkey: Also groans, headshakes and occasional vomiting
(22:40:34) AnonymousFriend: pityful unionised nerds?
(22:40:40) NormMonkey: There’s a union?!?!
(22:40:45) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:40:47) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:41:01) NormMonkey: Those bastards! ‘
(22:41:08) NormMonkey: *I* want a union
(22:41:24) AnonymousFriend: but you’re not a nerd, you’re a geek
(22:41:27) AnonymousFriend: that’s not the same!
(22:41:30) AnonymousFriend: ;)
(22:41:33) NormMonkey: I’ll form the Union of people who want a union for the sake of unionizing
(22:41:37) AnonymousFriend: can’t have a union in those terms
(22:41:41) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:41:52) AnonymousFriend: please don’t ask me to join! I’m so tired of my union!
(22:42:00) AnonymousFriend: brb
(22:42:05) NormMonkey: SELECT * from people where TYPE=union LEFT JOIN where type=geek;
(22:42:53) NormMonkey: (a geeky pun, ’cause a LEFT JOIN is really a union in itself d:)
(22:44:11) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:44:29) AnonymousFriend: what’s a pun?
(22:44:34) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:44:40) AnonymousFriend: /leave union
(22:44:43) NormMonkey: Heh
(22:44:51) NormMonkey: A pun is a play on words
(22:44:57) AnonymousFriend: ah! I turned the channel off
(22:44:58) AnonymousFriend: oh!
(22:45:13) AnonymousFriend: union should leave me alone by noe
(22:45:14) AnonymousFriend: now
(22:45:59) NormMonkey: I could use my +2 spade of vegetablism to turn the union into an onion
(22:46:14) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:46:29) AnonymousFriend: as long as it’s a red onion, that’s fine by me
(22:46:47) NormMonkey: Sauteed
(22:46:56) NormMonkey: In soup
(22:46:59) NormMonkey: With cheese
(22:47:01) AnonymousFriend: mmmmm
(22:47:04) AnonymousFriend: *drools
(22:47:18) NormMonkey: Shit, now I’m hungry
(22:47:26) NormMonkey: Must stop thinking about food
(22:47:31) AnonymousFriend: and I’m already snacking
(22:47:32) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:48:41) NormMonkey: Eating a red union?
(22:49:18) AnonymousFriend: nope, spaghetti squash, plane
(22:49:22) AnonymousFriend: but baked…
(22:49:51) NormMonkey: Baked spaghetti is better than deep-fried spaghetti
(22:50:08) AnonymousFriend: yup
(22:50:10) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:50:20) NormMonkey: I wonder if anybody has successfully made deep-fried chicken noodle soup?
(22:50:36) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:50:40) NormMonkey: Or even better, deep fried cream of mushroom soup!
(22:50:42) AnonymousFriend: you should try
(22:50:59) NormMonkey: Not in *MY* kitchen d:)
(22:51:07) AnonymousFriend: oh
(22:51:11) AnonymousFriend: not in mine either
(22:51:24) NormMonkey: I wonder if pressure-cooking cream of mushroom soup would make it taste even better
(22:51:46) NormMonkey: Or maybe it would be even better with sauteed onions in there
(22:52:15) AnonymousFriend: hmmm I could try that
(22:52:19) NormMonkey: … and broccoli
(22:52:29) NormMonkey: Cream of mushroom soup with broccoli!
(22:52:39) AnonymousFriend: :)
(22:52:48) AnonymousFriend: broccoli invasion: it’s everywhere
(22:52:51) AnonymousFriend: but oh so good!
(22:52:57) NormMonkey: I’m not doing so well with the whole not thinking of food ting
(22:53:08) NormMonkey: Fortunately I have no food here on which to snack
(22:53:10) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:53:39) AnonymousFriend: my dinner was far away and I resisted the idea of driving by the McDonalds earlier. Squash is healthier
(22:53:40) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:53:48) NormMonkey: McDonald’s is evil
(22:54:03) NormMonkey: Whenever you eat at McDonald’s, god kills a kitten
(22:54:04) AnonymousFriend: it is
(22:54:08) AnonymousFriend: lol
(22:54:22) NormMonkey: In Soviet Russia, McDonald eats YOU!
(22:54:58) NormMonkey: Have you heard my McDonald’s theory?
(22:54:58) AnonymousFriend: !
(22:55:14) NormMonkey: Everything in McDonald’s is made from grease
(22:55:24) NormMonkey: Grease, food colouring and flavour powder
(22:55:37) AnonymousFriend: I know…
(22:55:56) NormMonkey: At three o’clock in the morning when all the peoples are asleep, the grease trucks go to all the McDonalds
(22:56:11) NormMonkey: The truck offloads buckets of grease
(22:56:12) AnonymousFriend: rofl
(22:56:33) NormMonkey: In the back room, they have these machines where they mix in the food colouring and flavour powder into the grease
(22:56:42) NormMonkey: THe burgers get brown colouring and beef flavour powder
(22:56:52) AnonymousFriend: indeed
(22:56:54) NormMonkey: Then there’s a handle on the machine, like a tap on a beer keg in a bar
(22:57:20) NormMonkey: And they have burger forms, which are like muffin trays but shallower, and they open the grease taps and make burgers in the burger forms.
(22:57:36) NormMonkey: THey have separate machines for buns, fries, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, etc.
(22:57:37) AnonymousFriend: oh no!
(22:58:26) NormMonkey: That’s why McDonalds’ always smell funny
(22:58:36) AnonymousFriend: I see
(22:59:13) NormMonkey: It turns out they can make the food a lot cheaper if they break it down into fat and flavour powders
(22:59:21) NormMonkey: None of this growing stuff
(22:59:39) AnonymousFriend: so inevitably you turn out into grease too
(22:59:45) NormMonkey: That’s also why McDonald’s tastes the same in every store in the world
(23:00:04) NormMonkey: Well, *I* won’t turn into grease. I never eat at McDonald’s
(23:00:23) AnonymousFriend: I seldom go there
(23:00:26) NormMonkey: Sometimes, if I’m desperate, I’ll drink water there, but I’m not so sure about the water either
(23:00:34) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:00:38) AnonymousFriend: water made from grease
(23:00:42) NormMonkey: I think it might just be a really light grease formula with added fluorine
(23:01:00) NormMonkey: On the other hand, I eat at Wendy
(23:01:03) NormMonkey: ’s a fair bit
(23:01:05) AnonymousFriend: oh!
(23:01:10) NormMonkey: Maybe I’ll start growning red pigtails
(23:01:16) NormMonkey: growning? growing
(23:01:49) AnonymousFriend: Was doing a google search about hypo-allergenic cats… ” Priced at US$3,950*, the cost of an ALLERCA kitten is similar or less than some of the more exotic cat breeds available today. “
(23:01:53) AnonymousFriend: ouch
(23:02:01) NormMonkey: Hypoallergenic cats?
(23:02:07) NormMonkey: Genetically engineered kitties?
(23:02:13) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:02:37) AnonymousFriend: I’d like to have a cat but Significant_Other_Who_Shall_not_be_Named is allergic… I’m looking for breeds that cause less allergies
(23:02:46) NormMonkey: I’d just take any old cat, give it laser hair treatment, and then glue a cat toupee on there
(23:03:06) NormMonkey: You could take a mink coat and glue it on
(23:03:06) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:03:10) AnonymousFriend: nice
(23:03:12) NormMonkey: I’m sure the cat would get used to it
(23:03:32) AnonymousFriend: …after being mad at you for 2 years
(23:03:33) NormMonkey: (my cat, Paddington, is giving me the evil eye now)
(23:03:44) AnonymousFriend: and trying to get rid of it by any possible means
(23:03:48) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:05:15) AnonymousFriend: Male cats produce more allergen than female cats and neutered males produce less than non-neutered males (but not always).
(23:05:16) NormMonkey: Here’s what you do: take Significant_Other_Who_Shall_not_be_Named down to the humane society, and put him in a clean room. THen you bring in one cat at a time and rub each one around Significant_Other_Who_Shall_not_be_Named’s nose.
(23:05:30) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:05:30) NormMonkey: Once you find a cat he’s not allergic to, take that one home
(23:05:35) AnonymousFriend: I should do that
(23:06:42) NormMonkey: If that doesn’t work, get a dog and glue a raccoon tail and some cat ears on it
(23:06:52) NormMonkey: You can make ANYTHING with a hot glue gun
(23:07:01) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:07:02) AnonymousFriend: rofl
(23:07:09) AnonymousFriend: loll
(23:08:09) AnonymousFriend: rofl “Washing your cat 2 times a week has shown to help reduce the allergen levels. Ensuring that you wash and rinse it well. Studies have shown that the accumulation of of Fel d1 on the skin is restored within two days.Washing your cat 2 times a week has shown to help reduce the allergen levels. Ensuring that you wash and rinse it well. @
(23:08:19) AnonymousFriend: I’m sure Paddington hates me now
(23:08:36) NormMonkey: Ah, but cats wash themselves!
(23:08:41) NormMonkey: So you don’t have to worry
(23:08:47) NormMonkey: There should be some sort of cat dishwasher
(23:09:09) NormMonkey: Put your cat inside, twist the knob, wait a half hour or so, and voila! Clean cat, and lemon-fresh, too!
(23:09:22) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:09:24) AnonymousFriend: rofl
(23:09:43) NormMonkey: For an extra shiny coat, put in a Bounce sheet on the rinse cycle
(23:10:04) AnonymousFriend: rofl
(23:10:39) AnonymousFriend: Is that Paddington walking on the street with it’s travelcase?
(23:10:55) AnonymousFriend: I think he’s looking for a new home how
(23:10:56) AnonymousFriend: now
(23:11:04) NormMonkey: Wait, I know! Find out exactly what the chemicals are in cat allergens and then just make sure your cat doesn’t eat any food with those chemicals in it
(23:11:24) NormMonkey: Yeah, Paddington just caught a taxi to the airport
(23:11:43) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:11:48) NormMonkey: He’s gonna trip the light fantastic
(23:11:52) NormMonkey: I have no idea what that means
(23:12:08) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:12:18) NormMonkey: That’s gotta be the silliest phrase anybody ever started a book with
(23:12:26) NormMonkey: It’s probably ’20s lingo
(23:12:34) AnonymousFriend: you better keep it in mind
(23:12:36) NormMonkey: Sounds like something the goofballs in the roaring 20’s woulda come up with
(23:12:56) NormMonkey: “Hey, let’s trip the light fantastic!”
(23:12:56) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:13:20) ***NormMonkey tries to remember what book that comes fromi
(23:13:34) NormMonkey: I think it’s from A Streetcar Named Desire
(23:13:38) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:13:50) NormMonkey: … but I haven’t read that since grade 9
(23:14:02) NormMonkey: So I could be wrong
(23:14:04) AnonymousFriend: :)
(23:14:55) NormMonkey: hrm. One book I do need to read again is The Great Gatsby
(23:15:17) NormMonkey: I think there’s more to that book than I remember getting.
(23:15:25) NormMonkey: I wonder if it’s been made into a TV movie yet.
(23:15:33) AnonymousFriend: dunno
(23:15:38) AnonymousFriend: never heard of it
(23:15:44) ***NormMonkey goes to imdb. They will know
(23:15:49) NormMonkey: They have powerful database mojo
(23:16:04) AnonymousFriend: good idea
(23:16:11) NormMonkey: Heh, three movies have been made
(23:16:19) NormMonkey: 1926, 1949, 1974
(23:16:30) AnonymousFriend: !
(23:17:50) NormMonkey: http://imdb.com/title/tt0071577/ The 1974 version. I’m guessing this is the most popular movie version
(23:18:07) AnonymousFriend: critic is not so good though
(23:18:26) NormMonkey: O
(23:18:34) AnonymousFriend: though it got some oscars
(23:18:35) NormMonkey: I’ll have to find it and watch it
(23:20:42) AnonymousFriend: http://www.cat-world.com.au/CornishRexBreedProfile.htm
(23:20:46) AnonymousFriend: That’s a cool cat
(23:21:25) NormMonkey: That thing’s ears are bigger than its head!
(23:21:34) AnonymousFriend: lol yea
(23:21:54) NormMonkey: It could hear you opening a can of tuna from the next apartment over
(23:22:02) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:22:06) NormMonkey: It could probably hear you BUYING the can of tuna at the grocery store
(23:22:53) NormMonkey: These cat breeders are a weird bunch
(23:23:03) AnonymousFriend: yea
(23:23:08) NormMonkey: Nina Ennismore’s veterinarian suggested she contact geneticist A C Jude. He advised she mate Kallibunker back to his mother.
(23:23:20) NormMonkey: You’d never get that advice from a real doctor.
(23:23:25) NormMonkey: These veterinarians are crazy
(23:23:27) AnonymousFriend: rofl
(23:24:04) NormMonkey: I think maybe A.C.Jude read too much Freud literature
(23:24:11) AnonymousFriend: well well apparently it’s not the breeds but the individual particularities that make some1 allergic to a cat
(23:24:25) AnonymousFriend: so I have to take your trick
(23:24:32) AnonymousFriend: take Significant_Other_Who_Shall_not_be_Named to the humane society
(23:25:11) NormMonkey: Line up all the cats and rub his face in ‘em, one by one.
(23:25:19) AnonymousFriend: :)
(23:25:24) NormMonkey: ’til you find the one that doesn’t make him sneeze and turn all puffy
(23:25:38) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:25:47) NormMonkey: Then buy him a box of kleenex and some antihistamines, and a milkshake or something
(23:25:59) AnonymousFriend: :)
(23:26:05) AnonymousFriend: http://www.spca-outaouais.org/adoptions/cats_list_f.asp#
(23:26:09) AnonymousFriend: they are soooo cute
(23:26:45) NormMonkey: Oooh, I like Ninja!
(23:26:49) AnonymousFriend: me too
(23:27:00) NormMonkey: o/~ Everybody was Kung-fu fighting o/~
(23:27:12) NormMonkey: I’ll bet that cat can dance the moves
(23:27:19) AnonymousFriend: and he’s sterilised and unclawed
(23:27:24) AnonymousFriend: that’s a pityful ninha
(23:27:28) AnonymousFriend: ninja…
(23:27:43) NormMonkey: Ninjas don’t need claws
(23:28:04) NormMonkey: A ninja without claws is just as powerful as any other clawed cat
(23:28:16) AnonymousFriend: :)
(23:29:07) NormMonkey: I’ll bet he knows how to do a roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris style
(23:29:18) AnonymousFriend: He’s so cute!
(23:29:37) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:29:50) NormMonkey: Cats are cute and they know it
(23:30:00) AnonymousFriend: :)
(23:30:03) NormMonkey: They’re kinda like girls that way
(23:30:15) AnonymousFriend: rofl
(23:30:54) NormMonkey: They sit there and stare at you, daring you to resist their charming cute powers
(23:31:09) AnonymousFriend: lol
(23:31:18) AnonymousFriend: indeed
(23:31:22) AnonymousFriend: oh wow, it’s 11h30
(23:31:27) NormMonkey: Holy cow!
(23:31:27) AnonymousFriend: I got to go to bed now
(23:31:29) ***NormMonkey to
(23:31:29) NormMonkey: o
(23:31:31) AnonymousFriend: working at 8!
(23:31:35) NormMonkey: L8Rz d00d
(23:31:46) NormMonkey: Happy sleepX0rz
(23:31:47) AnonymousFriend: yea c ya l8r
(23:31:54) AnonymousFriend: :)
(23:31:55) AnonymousFriend: u2
ANOTHER WEIRD ONLINE EXCHANGE
I’m on these online dating sites. They’re actually pretty neat; I’ve met some nice people and had a bunch of good dates from there. I’ve made a few friends as well. Matter of fact, the IM conversation above is with somebody I met online. We didn’t ‘gel’ romantically but we still remain friends. She likes geeks and we’re both into photography which is pretty cool.
On the other hand, some of the people online are just weird. For example, here’s a message I got today (anything in square brackets are editor’s notes):
hi!
you seem like a super smart cute intellectual type of guy!
[ OK well that part is true of course ]
I really appreciate your insight on first dates… especially about the
coffee shops….
I was at a coffee shop once… star bucks i think… it was a first date
scenario… i order a double cafe latte… and waited about 10 minutes
to receive it…. paid 3.42 with tax… i had 2 loonies and a few
quarters… which i gave to the attendant… he had to count it twice
then tried to short change me… after much debate… he corrected his
error… and i was effectively compensated. I sat down with my coffee…
which was quite good… though not as warm as i would have liked… the
atmosphere was peasant yet some how sterile… my date showed up… he
also ordered a coffee… i think it was some other type… like a
cappocino… he said it was good… and apparently had no financial
incident as aforementioned I had… so we chatted a bit…. he got a
stir stick with his coffee… i didn’t get one… so went back to the
counter to retrieve one of my own, as it would have been impolite to ask
to share his…. his coffee was good… mine a little cold… but i now
had one of those nifty stir sticks so was quite contented.
[ At this point… I’m a bit overwhelmed… with the ellipses… and I’m
starting to think maybe something weird is going on ]
we began speaking again…no that the issue of the coffee’s was almost
behind us… i made note of how much he seemed to be enjoying his
coffee… asked him on several occasions if it was satisfactory… he
assured me it was… I thought it was a little cold… was enjoying mine
as well… we spoke about coffee and the remarkable fact that people
like to to dry out cocoa beans and grind them into a powder through
which water can be strained resulting in the brown bitter fluid that we
were currently consuming. The caffiene was having an effect on me as i
don’t often drink coffee…. sometimes on Wednesdays… especially
during the middle of any months that have 30 days… at about 11 am… i
splurge and may have a cup of coffee… but that is about it…..
usually i don’t…. on mornings where i am excessively tired i may also
have a cup…usually instant coffee which i find has less of an effect.
My favorite drink is actually water… there are many different bottled
waters that i like but we can discuss that at another time. currently i
prefer aquafina.
[ Now my weirdometer is pretty much pegged off the scale. Plus ten
points for good imagination, especially with the “don’t often drink
coffee” thing. But also plus infinity points for bringing out teh
weirdness ]
To make a long story short…. While i was thinking about the attendant,
the coffee… and then later bottled water … i neglected to notice
that my date had undone his trousers… well in the front… you know ,
where the zipper thing is… he had nice jeans… they where blue… i
think Levis… looked nice on him. i think there may have been a sale at
sears earlier that week - i also understand that as many major retailers
have done and do that some of the sears locations are offering coffee
and other such snacks and beverages to their customers…. …. he had
undone them and was masturbating under the table intermittently sipping
his coffee with his free hand….
[ Who did what in the where now? Weirdness score is now
infinity plus one ]
needless to say i can understand your concern and apprehension about
“first dates” and the venues in which they may take place…. as you
mentioned about movie theaters… and i have had similar experiences…
in fast motion… we went to a theater ordered the popcorn with butter
that they now add some kind of salted flavored powder to, went and
sat… barely even looked at one another… started at the screen …
when we did speak we were told to be quiet by people behind us… and
when… about 1 hour into the film… his pants came off and I lifted my
skirt to straddle him… within 15 minutes an usher asked us to leave…
there was still popcorn left… and the were not even selling
coffee….!
[ Damn, I’m going to all the wrong movies! ]
Sorry to be so brief, but I have to go. Look forward to hearing from
you.
Yeah, brevity sure is an art form, eh? Somehow I don’t think she’s as concerned about her briefs as she should be. Anyways, with my whiskey-tango-foxtrot-ometer reading five by five I figure two can play at this game. So I thought I might respond in kind and show whoever this is who is boss of all that is the mind blowingly weird.
WARNING: This is about the weirdest, raciest and most silly thing I’ve ever written on this site. Caveat lector:
You wrote:
> you seem like a super smart cute intellectual type of guy!
Yep, that’s me! Also full of puns and spontaneously silly.
> I really appreciate your insight on first dates… especially about
> the coffee shops….
Your story reminds me of a date I had a few months ago… I think maybe
it was last summer… we went to South Keys for coffee. When I showed
up she was already there… she mentioned something about the service
being really slow… and that the cashier couldn’t count to twenty even
if he was allowed to take off his shoes… but I went to the counter to
get my drink… I think it was a no-fat double double cafe espresso
mocha latte with saffron, a twist of lemon, whipped cream on the top and
a sprinkle of nutmeg. It was something like $19.99 after tax so I gave
the guy a $50 plus one penny and he gave me back a $20 which was
perfect… I guess I got a different guy than my date did.
Anyways I went to go sit at the table with this girl… this was the
Starbucks in the Chapters at South Keys… it has these nice comfy
chairs if you’re lucky enough to get one… they’re pretty busy and the
good chairs are always taken… but she managed to get us a good table
with two comfy chairs… so anyways we get talking and I notice she’s
looking at the little stir stick that I was using to scoop off the
lemony whipped cream with nutmeg… I think she wanted some of my cream
but I guess she was too shy to ask. So she goes up to the counter… I
think she wanted to get another stick so she could share.
In the meantime I was just about finished with the cream… I was about
to take my first sip of the coffee when I spilled some… I kinda got it
all over the front of my nice new jeans that I got The Gap because they
were giving out free packets of their new hot chocolate mix which comes
with a bonus CDROM that has two trance music songs, three free computer
games and a copy of the Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue on it… but
then my date came back and I didn’t want her to see that I’d spilled on
myself because she was really cute and I didn’t want her to think I was
a clutz… so I kinda covered it up until she sat back down.
But then it started to hurt ’cause the coffee was really hot and I
spilled it on a sensitive area of my body… so I wanted to wipe it
off… and so I had to undo my jeans so I could get in there and clean
things up… I didn’t want her to notice ’cause I thought it might look
weird and creep her out so I tried to be nonchalant about it and sip at
my coffee with my other hand… this girl was pretty talkative and she
knew a lot about how coffee was made… I think maybe the caffeine was
having an effect on her, she didn’t seem like the kind of girl who
drinks coffee at the beginning or end of the month… anyways I don’t
think it worked ’cause she got a funny look on her face and left pretty
abruptly… in the end it was all OK though ’cause somebody gave me a
napkin and I was able to clean myself up pretty good with that.
After the incident in the Starbucks I decided to wander over to the
movie theatre at the south end of South Keys… I met a really hot girl
there… she said she was like 35 but she looked more like
20-something… completely different girl than the date I’d just had in
the coffee shop moments before. We were talking and we were both there
to see the same movie… we decided that we might as well go see it
together… it was about a secret agent who’s trying to stop the bad
guys from getting funding for terrorist activities… anyways I heard it
was pretty good and worth going to see. We stopped to get popcorn
before we went into the theatre… they had a deal where you get two
drinks and a large popcorn for a pretty good price, so we did that…
they asked if we wanted butter and of course we both did because it has
some funky flavoured salty powder in there too.
So we found some really good seats near the back of the theatre so it’s
easy to see the whole screen and we sat down and watched the trailers
for the shows that will be out soon… man that takes a long time, must
have been a half hour of trailers to watch before the feature
presentation even started playing… the whole time was kind of awkward
because neither of us really got a chance to talk to each other very
much… the people behind us shushed us when we tried. Anyways we’re
getting into this movie when once again I’m such a clutz and I spilled
my drink on myself again… fortunately the theatre was pretty dark ‘cos
the movie was playing so I don’t think anybody noticed that I undid my
jeans so I could clean up down there.
She must have noticed though because she tried to help me clean up. I
felt kinda bad that she was missing some of the show when she knelt down
in front of me and started to lick things clean with her tongue… that
got me thinking about the napkin that a friendly lady at the Starbucks
lent me when I spilled there. She must have known about the napkin
trick too because she got up and lifted her skirt… I guess she was
going to use it to dab away the spill… she must’ve thought that might
get her skirt all dirty though because instead she put her legs around
me so she could clean with her underwear instead… which was weird
because it didn’t feel like she was wearing any. She must have spilled
something too because she felt pretty wet when she did that… warm,
too. Anyways I felt pretty bad that she was dirtying herself just to
clean me so I moved to block her with places that were already clean. I
think she found this uncomfortable since she kept squirming and rocking
back and forth.
She must have been making faces at the people behind us though because
they sounded mad when they got up and left in the middle of the show…
then they came back and told us to leave which was kind of rude because
the movie wasn’t over yet and we hadn’t even finished our buttery
popcorn. It was a pretty weird night all things considered… but I
learned that making faces at people in the theatre isn’t very nice…
and I’m more careful with my drinks now.
> Sorry to be so brief, but I have to go. Look forward to hearing from
> you.
No worries, I like short messages like that. Hopefully my story isn’t
too brief.
